Masturbation

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Who is some nerd to tell me how much to masturbate? He's probably whacking it right now!" and you'd probably think right. But what I'm going to tell you is something you should take into consideration: DON'T MASTURBATE MORE THAN ONCE A WEEK. a healthy dose of the ol' low five is good for you. It relieves stress, prevents pre-mature ejaculation and decreases the chances of getting prostate cancer.but too much is called too much for a reason: IT'S TOO MUCH (I'm liking caps lock today, can you tell?) Pleasing yourself more than my prescribed amount is bad. It's not good for a girl to come over to your house only to find a huge stack of porn and it would suck to be at the ball game but you've got a rubber bat cause you practice too much (that is indeed a metaphor for limp-dick). God speed gentleman, and as always, I'd like to part your company with a few words of wisdom:

If the lady in front of you at the grocery store drops her cucumber, pick it up for her and give her a beer. Yes, that is a metaphor.